My children are different. Well, I suppose most evey mother could make that statement- but, with confidence, I can say that mine are like oil and water. And nitro-glycerine. A case-study:
Riding in the Car:
Jeffrey- did ok in the car, but would often projectile barf without reason or warning. Would frequently fall asleep and be amendable to being moved to his bed, thus continueing his nap in the house.
Beanie- Hated riding in the car, starting with the ride home from the hospital, and never ending. Buckle baby in carseat, commence screaming. And screaming, and screaming, and screaming. He NEVER stopped, as long as he was in his seat. Forward, backward, moving, still- didn’t matter. Never, ever fell asleep.
Abby- Likes her carseat just fine. Cooperates with buckles, and claps happily and coos to self. Enjoys looking out window, and watching her brothers. I can’t think of even one time where she has cried in her seat- although she did barf once.
Eating:
Jeffrey- voracious appetite- would drink 40oz. of breasmilk a day, had I let him- but had a sensitive tummy. Barfed a lot. Daily- until he was over two. Loves food- much like a goldfish, will eat until he is stuffed and Goldfish are coming out his nose.
Beanie- Hated eating. Refused to nurse. Cried. Would not eat babyfood, and formula made him sick. Would not even taste new things, cried some more. Now, almost four, he eats PBJ’s for all three meals, and milk. Occasionally some butter.
Abby- nursed great- accepted me or a bottle, loves to try new foods. She likes spicy things and ethnic foods and loves fruit and veggies and fish and just about anything we put on her plate. Tummy tolerates everything.
Sleeping:
Jeffrey- co-slept with us until he was nine-months old. Still likes nothing better than to be nestled under my arm sharing my pillow. Sleeps like a rock once he is asleep. Quit napping when he was 18 months old, and hasn’t napped since.
Beanie- would only sleep swaddled t-i-g-h-t-l-y. Wakes up at the slightest noise- even if I check on him before I go to bed, the whisper of the door sliding over the carpet wakes him. When he woke, he screamed. And screamed. Then he screamed some more. Now days, is an insomniac, and finds every reason under the moon to get up. Does not, and has never, napped.
Abby- toss her in bed with her favorite blankie, close the blinds and the door, and she’s out. No fussing, no crying no special tricks, just a peaceful sleeping baby. She may chortle and talk to herself for a while, but that’s it. When she wakes, she chats and plays quietly until someone comes to get her.
Playing:
Jeffrey- Hordes his toys. Collects random things, like “Blue”. Meticulously catalogs his belongings, and subscribes to the “tyrant” method of playing with others. Has a wild imagination and loves to take things apart.
Beanie- Loves to have friends over, but quickly becomes overwhelmed if there is too much chaos. Finds quiet places and plays by himself or with mama. Loves to be naked and run around in the rain or wind storms. At the same time. Elemental child.
Abby- turns the pages of a paper book, even as a one-year old, without eating or tearing them. Will content herself with following her brothers, but is just as happy playing with her toys by herself. Loves water and being outside, but doesn’t fret when brought inside.
Temperment:
Jeffrey- Stubborn streak a mile wide. If he can’t win, he doesn’t want to play. A very tender hearted boy who really watches out for younger kids. Has a strong sense of justice and fairness, and isn’t afraid, sometimes to his detriment, of speaking out. Loves the mythos of the Hero, and intends on being one.
Beanie- A stubborn streak a mile wider than Jeff’s- coupled with a strong desire to be independant. He wants to do things beyond his abilities and gets frustrated when he can’t. At the same time, he has great capacity for tenderness and really wants to be snuggled with and loved. He needs lots of physical affection- even though he shrugs it off.
Abby- just goes with the flow. She doesn’t push herself all that hard, and lacks the insane drive both her brother’s share. It has manifested in later walking, talking and general accomplishments. She just doesn’t seem to mind waiting, which is a whole new ballgame in this house. Small things make her happy, and ready laughter is always near the surface.
So how much of any of this is nurturing, and how much is nature? Is Abby the laid back babe she is because of the tidal waves that are her brothers? Is Beanie full of will and force in order to survive having such a strong older brother? Is Jeff just the natural first-born bossy boy?
The thing is, no matter how much you try and sell the “nurture” card to me- I KNOW these kids all came out of my body with these personalities intact. Yes, they’ve manifested in our home and in the environment of our family, but they were not, and never have been, blank slates.
What’s the deal in your families?
11 comments
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September 5, 2007 at 2:53 pm
em
I can totally tell that Sir O is, and has always been his own person. He also does the “need lots of physical nurturing from mom, but shrugs it off” thing. Although honestly, he is usually too busy being delighted with the world to make much of a fuss. I am one lucky mom, and I am fairly certain I will never have another one as easy!
I guess kids are like seeds, and parents/home kind of like the soil it’s planted in. The dirt has nothing to do with what kind of seed is planted, but can make a difference in how/whether it flourishes.
Although sometimes healthy plants go kamakaze for no apparent reason, and sometimes you find that what’s been planted is a stout weed.
September 5, 2007 at 4:28 pm
hairyshoefairy
I can’t tell you how much I loved reading this! Peanut has her own personality, too. I think she’s along the same lines as Abby, though. She just rolls with the punches most of the time. I like Em’s seed analogy. My mom says we were all born with our personalities, too. I was a calm, go-with-the-flow baby, while my sister was a screamer/fit thrower, though a very sweet one, from the second she was born. This is something NYDD and I talk about a lot. It’s really interesting with his family because he has 10 kids in his family spread over 20 years and the dynamic is fun to discuss.
September 5, 2007 at 5:20 pm
glittersmama
As I read through the first few sections of this post, it made me a little nervous for number two to come along. Glitter has been about as easy as they come. Eats anything, sleeps fairly easily–especially in her crib, and really only screams when she gets hurt. (falls off bed, etc) *cringing*
Nice post.
September 5, 2007 at 5:23 pm
JS
This will be a fun post to bring up in years to come when your kids have kids and ask you if they were ever like… and you can say, why as a matter of fact… It I guess just goes to show how kids are ALL different, even multiples!
September 5, 2007 at 5:54 pm
minimariescorner
I think people are born with personalities. The world around us may influence us- a lot sometimes- but I think we are the way we are because that’s us. Make sense? lol
September 5, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Callista
Comparing my two kids is interesting to me but I can’t compare much yet as they are only 4 and 20 months old. Right now they are pretty similar in all regards.
September 5, 2007 at 8:40 pm
2xaday
I spend countless hours analyzing the differences in personalities of my children. Somedays I find them so alike and yet some days so different. M is now in teenage years, so that is the beginning of his more mature personality desperately trying to break through, but he is my loving child. He loves to be loved and I know, in the end of all, he will choose caring over any other emotion in any situation. J is my absorbing child. He will do whatever it takes to learn all that he can about something so he can master it and move on. B is my dramatic child. She loves the arts and the dress up and mainly right now, ballet. A will be close to us the rest of our lives. She will have the chance to spend quality time with us that the others will not. Of course months from now this could all change, but these are my thoughts for the day
September 5, 2007 at 9:43 pm
cheryl
Every child is different. It doesn’t matter how similar they are –they are still different. My four children AMAZE me everyday with their personalities and temperments –”Where did they get THAT?” I always wonder. Of course, if it’s negative, it was probably from me, but whatever.
However, I do see similarities between my #1 and #3 and then #2 and #4. Even their respective pregnancies and deliveries were similar. It’s strange how it skipped a kid.
September 5, 2007 at 10:45 pm
Melissa
My kids are all so different. Red is super tender hearted. Especially when it comes to animals. He loves all living creatures and hates to hear they are hurt or abused. Little Bug is laughter. His smile is easy and quick. He likes to be alone most of the time. Baby Girl is a diva. She wants what she wants and she wants it NOW. Red usually gives in to her, but not so much with little bug.
I have to agree with you… these kids come with personalities, likes and dislikes. It’s just amazing to see those develop and grow!
September 6, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Susan M
The experts will tell you that every person is born with a temperament that does not change throughout their life. (Temperament being defined here: http://www.elainegibson.net/parenting/traits.html )
Of course, for me, it’s a definite sign of a pre-existence!
My kids are all very different and have been since birth. It’s interesting now that they’re older for me to see my friends’ babies and how different they are from our family, too.
September 6, 2007 at 1:31 pm
tracy m
Me too, Susan. It assured me that they WERE someone before they were born to me- I am so certain of it.